I had a friend visit me a while back. She stayed with myself and my husband in our first floor apartment. During that time we encountered something together that I had become very accustomed to- inordinate amounts of noise from the apartment directly above us. I didn't know 'what' exactly the noise was but mostly it took the form of huge amounts of repeated heavy thumping on the floor (my ceiling). I told her I didn't know if it was abuse or something else going on but we live in a 'not very good area' and (sadly, I know) you let things like that go after awhile. I said it might be an abusive boyfriend, but I really had no clue and not enough reason to act on the 'noise' to lodge a formal complaint. No one ever screamed, so if they weren't complaining neither was I.
One day as we returned from an afternoon jaunt during that visit there was a youngish man standing out front having a cigarette. He was weasel-faced and over-weight. He didn't look dangerous so much as distasteful to me. As we exited my car my friend saw him and asked if I knew whether he was the 'boyfriend' living upstairs. She was a very intuitive person generally. I didn't know and said so. You don't really socialize with all your neighbors in a 20 unit building. Or I don't.
Anyway, weeks later the same guy was out front smoking when I came home with tons of groceries and no husband at home to help carry them inside. When I lugged the first load up, he was going in and held the door for me. We wound up talking. He lived on the first floor with his male partner and was actually (so far as I could tell) very nice, soft-spoken, and personable. We chatted about good places to get Friday night fish fry in the city. I know what apartment he lives in now and it's a very peaceful door to pass by. Later I also discovered that the 'noise' upstairs was caused by a 160 lb pit-bull mix with separation anxiety issues, but the people inside that apartment were for the most part fine. I think it goes to show that appearances are infinitely deceiving and assumptions are not to be trusted most times.
In the aftermath of the Sandy Hook tragedy (and having recently read an after the fact expose on the gun-man) I was reminded of this incident. People's looks don't mean much. I always knew that but I think many forget or simply accept what they see. Even I forget at times... Bother to learn why things happen. Find the reason before you judge rather than creating your own reality. If Adam Lanza had made 'a' friend or been noticed especially by Anyone that horrible shooting may never have happened.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
us vs the machines
The other day at work I came upon my supervisor talking to another employee and had reason to talk to her. I waited patiently while they continued their conversation. Interesting thing she mentioned... She had recently seen or heard of a study that was done on negative thoughts in the average human mind and how those percentages have changed over the years. I'm saying this all in hear-say I will admit. I tried searching and can't find the actual facts or which study it was specifically. Actually, if anyone reads this and you can link me to info on the actual thing I would greatly appreciate it because I think it makes a lot of sense.
Before the worldwide advent of computers, the internet, social networking, etc, the average human being would have 30% negative thought processes throughout the day. That's not too bad really. I mean you stub your toe and curse- that counts. Someone cuts you off on the way to work and you indulge in minor road rage- that counts. 30% pretty much covers 'eventful' negativity, I think; those little things that happen and are reacted to but (hopefully) don't have a lasting effect on you. That was 40 or 50 years ago, 30%. Now, in 2012, the average human being has 60% negative thought processes through out the day. That would seem to cover 'eventful' negativity and... what? As I said, I haven't seen the actual study. I don't know what the 'answers' are, but I got to thinking about it and it could be a couple different aspects.
What about all those people who's thoughts are being streamed to you live via Facebook and MySpace and Twitter? When you see that the movie star you follow on Twitter is have a $30,000 spa day while you slave away at a normal job does that really make you feel good? Or positive? I have many friends with different thoughts and beliefs who are in my Circles and Feeds... Mostly, we met under a common recreational flag on a specifically topical site. Now, I see everything they think, feel and believe for themselves personally. I'm exposed to things directly opposite to my own feelings through simple association without trying. A difference of creed or opinion is no reason to cease being someone's friend but before all the internet networking stuff you would have had to decide to join that person in the (to you) irksome activity in order to get irked. Now, you experience it in the comfort of your own home with no warning or choice. Also, when someone you're connected to shares a negative thought and you read it- does that count? Do you register their negativity in your own score column? Those points are largely incidental. Then there's also the fact that if someone actually wants to piss you off they don't even have to get you on the phone or be brave to your face. They can drop a comment somewhere and three hours later you're seething over it with no outlet for retaliation but to comment back and stew in your negative juices while you wait for reply (which-if it comes- will probably just tick you off more.)
Another thing, a less personal and more generalized idea, is that with texting and typing as primary communication we lose the personality of the words. Without voice inflection, tone and facial expression to draw from simple statements are so much more open to interpretation and less likely to be understood properly. That's for people who come from where you come from, but the internet is a global forum. Factor in those speaking your language as a second or third language and then you've got a whole other level of potential misunderstanding to play around with. When we have no idea what the person typing the words is actually feeling, sounding, or looking like I think we would tend to apply our own feelings to them. So, if you're in a snit from something else and an abstract comment is there that could be taken two or three different ways you will probably not take it as harmless and cheerful, but as sarcastic or attacking (if those are valid options for interpretation).
All that being said, have I banished the beast called Facebook from my life? No. *hangs head in shame* But I do try to keep my time there recreational and fun, or promotional and cheerful rather than letting it be a sounding board for my life. If I'm having a crap day, I generally try to stay away from the on-line social venues because I don't think anyone really wants to listen to me whine and moan about this or that. I'm sure they have their own things to bitch about and they'll be doing it in rare form to friends and whoever else cares to read it in those places- another reason I stay away when I'm down. I don't need extra hash marks when I already know I'm in a snit myself. I guess, I just think that while it's great to have that outlet as a touchstone for loved ones and friends... I don't think it's a good thing to be involved in Every aspect of the psyches of all of them. Social networking has given us insane amounts of quantity and effectively robbed us of the ability to pick and choose for quality. The bad flows with the good regardless of what we would choose to see otherwise. That's it for my social networking tirade.
Everything else... it just seems like the 'easier' things get for us via technology the easier we want them and the less likely we are to be satisfied with what we have. I have a favorite quote that says...
Overall... I think that additional loss of 30% positivity is from loss of responsibility, loss of sense of self, loss of purpose due to our growing dependence on the machines. I'm sure I'm not the first to say it, but this is my formal reply. If an EMP disable all electricity on this planet could we survive without going ape-shit and killing each other in a panic? Probably not, because our children come out of the womb with cell phones attached to their heads and get computer literacy training in kindergarten. If we don't teach them any better they will never have their own purpose apart from texting one handed in their pockets and knowing what the latest update on Facebook is. That's my opinion, anyway.
The other morning I went out to run to the store (in my car) but the sun was shining, the sky was dotted with white cotton candy and birds were singing so I walked instead. I didn't have a single negative thought on that walk. I smiled the whole way while my car sat waiting for when I actually needed it. Pick and choose your tools and joys, my friends. The simpler non-mechanical ones are generally better, bigger, and more reliable.
Before the worldwide advent of computers, the internet, social networking, etc, the average human being would have 30% negative thought processes throughout the day. That's not too bad really. I mean you stub your toe and curse- that counts. Someone cuts you off on the way to work and you indulge in minor road rage- that counts. 30% pretty much covers 'eventful' negativity, I think; those little things that happen and are reacted to but (hopefully) don't have a lasting effect on you. That was 40 or 50 years ago, 30%. Now, in 2012, the average human being has 60% negative thought processes through out the day. That would seem to cover 'eventful' negativity and... what? As I said, I haven't seen the actual study. I don't know what the 'answers' are, but I got to thinking about it and it could be a couple different aspects.
What about all those people who's thoughts are being streamed to you live via Facebook and MySpace and Twitter? When you see that the movie star you follow on Twitter is have a $30,000 spa day while you slave away at a normal job does that really make you feel good? Or positive? I have many friends with different thoughts and beliefs who are in my Circles and Feeds... Mostly, we met under a common recreational flag on a specifically topical site. Now, I see everything they think, feel and believe for themselves personally. I'm exposed to things directly opposite to my own feelings through simple association without trying. A difference of creed or opinion is no reason to cease being someone's friend but before all the internet networking stuff you would have had to decide to join that person in the (to you) irksome activity in order to get irked. Now, you experience it in the comfort of your own home with no warning or choice. Also, when someone you're connected to shares a negative thought and you read it- does that count? Do you register their negativity in your own score column? Those points are largely incidental. Then there's also the fact that if someone actually wants to piss you off they don't even have to get you on the phone or be brave to your face. They can drop a comment somewhere and three hours later you're seething over it with no outlet for retaliation but to comment back and stew in your negative juices while you wait for reply (which-if it comes- will probably just tick you off more.)
Another thing, a less personal and more generalized idea, is that with texting and typing as primary communication we lose the personality of the words. Without voice inflection, tone and facial expression to draw from simple statements are so much more open to interpretation and less likely to be understood properly. That's for people who come from where you come from, but the internet is a global forum. Factor in those speaking your language as a second or third language and then you've got a whole other level of potential misunderstanding to play around with. When we have no idea what the person typing the words is actually feeling, sounding, or looking like I think we would tend to apply our own feelings to them. So, if you're in a snit from something else and an abstract comment is there that could be taken two or three different ways you will probably not take it as harmless and cheerful, but as sarcastic or attacking (if those are valid options for interpretation).
All that being said, have I banished the beast called Facebook from my life? No. *hangs head in shame* But I do try to keep my time there recreational and fun, or promotional and cheerful rather than letting it be a sounding board for my life. If I'm having a crap day, I generally try to stay away from the on-line social venues because I don't think anyone really wants to listen to me whine and moan about this or that. I'm sure they have their own things to bitch about and they'll be doing it in rare form to friends and whoever else cares to read it in those places- another reason I stay away when I'm down. I don't need extra hash marks when I already know I'm in a snit myself. I guess, I just think that while it's great to have that outlet as a touchstone for loved ones and friends... I don't think it's a good thing to be involved in Every aspect of the psyches of all of them. Social networking has given us insane amounts of quantity and effectively robbed us of the ability to pick and choose for quality. The bad flows with the good regardless of what we would choose to see otherwise. That's it for my social networking tirade.
Everything else... it just seems like the 'easier' things get for us via technology the easier we want them and the less likely we are to be satisfied with what we have. I have a favorite quote that says...
"Only people with no purpose are unhappy" - Cassandra Clare
The more machines do the work for us, the less purpose we have as a people- except to make the machines even better so that we can do yet even less for ourselves. I'm 37 so I've watched all this develop. I remember when you had to flip the tape in the car stereo. I remember when you had to do the math on your own. I remember when you had to learn to write in print And cursive in school and god-forbid you had to write with a pen on paper instead of an iPad. Overall... I think that additional loss of 30% positivity is from loss of responsibility, loss of sense of self, loss of purpose due to our growing dependence on the machines. I'm sure I'm not the first to say it, but this is my formal reply. If an EMP disable all electricity on this planet could we survive without going ape-shit and killing each other in a panic? Probably not, because our children come out of the womb with cell phones attached to their heads and get computer literacy training in kindergarten. If we don't teach them any better they will never have their own purpose apart from texting one handed in their pockets and knowing what the latest update on Facebook is. That's my opinion, anyway.
The other morning I went out to run to the store (in my car) but the sun was shining, the sky was dotted with white cotton candy and birds were singing so I walked instead. I didn't have a single negative thought on that walk. I smiled the whole way while my car sat waiting for when I actually needed it. Pick and choose your tools and joys, my friends. The simpler non-mechanical ones are generally better, bigger, and more reliable.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Blue Moon
So, a couple days ago (August 28th) was the release date for a book I had been weeping and waiting on for over a year. I asked off work months in advance to be sure I had proper reading time with this baby. You would think I was reading it on the 28th, right? No. Thanks to a friend of mine I had the Author of this very same long awaited novel as a patron to my shop and I got the book 3 weeks early as a thank you for customer service well done.
Now to ordinary people this would be... maybe not that big a deal. I get that. Perception is 9/10's of the law. It's just a book. She's just another human being who wrote something. 'How's rent coming? Have you thought about that while you were squeeing over the book?'
I know...
But I'm a writer.
So, this is a person who inspires me and whose words I related to and loved effortlessly the first time I read them. They are sharp and funny and affecting all in appropriate doses to make great story. I love the realism of her characters. I love the shape and depth of her prose. I aspire to do what she has done in essence and quality. That's from long before any of this happened with the autographed book and stuff. My fandom runs deep.
Now to ordinary people this would be... maybe not that big a deal. I get that. Perception is 9/10's of the law. It's just a book. She's just another human being who wrote something. 'How's rent coming? Have you thought about that while you were squeeing over the book?'
I know...
But I'm a writer.
So, this is a person who inspires me and whose words I related to and loved effortlessly the first time I read them. They are sharp and funny and affecting all in appropriate doses to make great story. I love the realism of her characters. I love the shape and depth of her prose. I aspire to do what she has done in essence and quality. That's from long before any of this happened with the autographed book and stuff. My fandom runs deep.
Me===> Fangirl for Kelly Creagh
Anyway, I got the book early. I crawled through it and my husband called me a chicken for taking so long reading it. It wasn't that it was bad... not at all. I mean how can cheerleaders sword-fighting and the funniest drive-through order ever be bad? I was having a really good time while my heart broke with every page that went on. On some subconscious level I just didn't want it to end after waiting so long, I think. But I loved the book when I read it almost three weeks before a lot of people.
The point of all this is that I had something crazy outrageous amazing happen to me no matter how it might look to anyone else. This month has been insanely wonderful in great ways. I'm so happy and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop on my head from twenty stories up. There's balance in the world even if we don't always see it right away. Give and take. So, I've been peering around corners waiting for the 'take' to begin. Nothing happening almost stressed me out more than if it had. The unexpected is always more frightening than the bad things we can think of.
Yesterday, I came home from work and went on Fb to find a graphic in my feed that pretty much said this...
"a Blue Moon is sometimes defined as the second full moon in a calendar month. The first full moon is August 1. The second full moon is August 31, 2012."
That's a rare thing...
Once in a Blue Moon... I had a really great time showing my jewelry to someone I admire and she liked it and supported it in a small way. Then I received an awesome gift and the experience of knowing her for a short time. I also ran a trivia contest on Fb for fellow fans and had a fantastic time amping up the love for the new release. I got to connect with people over something I feel deeply for and it rocked! So hard. I don't have months this good, but there it was... not making any sense. Then I saw that graphic and went "Of course it's a Blue Moon month. My good fortune is explained as a freakish lunar rarity." I'm sort of fine with that, though. If it's the moon making it happen maybe I'll escape paying the balance piper for all this keenly focused awesomeness dropping in on me.
I know that my joys may seem small and strange to some.
But, I'm a writer.
What's your excuse?
Monday, August 20, 2012
Learning to blog
So, I have four Facebook pages, a private creative writing forum, and a jewelry shop on Etsy. Somewhere in the midst of all that madness it finally occurred to me to consolidate the information in one place. I'm hoping to save myself the censorship and guilt of my opinions and morbid sense of humor being forcibly thrust into other peoples' lives via Facebook. The rest is just because I'm lazy and if I have to try to remember one more password I'll claw my own eyes out.
All that being said, I'm still learning the interface and figuring out what to do with it so I'll make this an introduction.
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